


Kokichi's Dying Wish

by Lovova



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovova/pseuds/Lovova
Summary: There's a lot of reasons Kaito got out of the Exisal.Spite was probably one of them.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Kokichi's Dying Wish

It’s right around when Kaito’s telling his friends that he pilots the Exisal with both hands, both feet, and both nipples, that it occurs to him, ‘ _I might be having a breakdown right now_.’

Or, well, maybe not? Or, maybe not entirely. His thoughts feel thin and loopy. His actions nonsensical even to himself. Even with the script as a guide, he really doesn't know what he's going to say or do next, and there's something incredibly freeing in that.

It’s fun to be Kokichi.

Maybe it’s late in the game to realize this, but as Kaito giggles into the microphone, the book of dialogue in his lap half-forgotten, Kaito realizes he can kind of see why Kokichi acted like this. It was fun! It was fun saying stupid shit that didn’t have to make any sense and pissed everyone else off. It was fun talking in looping sentences and making fun noises and going off on tangents that didn’t have to accomplish anything.

It was fun to lose his mind a little, playing the villain. Because, fuck! Being the hero? And staying strong? And being positive and considerate and taking care of others? Had hurt a lot and scared the shit out of him and had left him heartbroken and betrayed over and over and over again.

He still loves his friends.

But for right now, that almost doesn't matter.

It’s strange. He feels like he’s taking a break from reality, as he coo’s to Himiko his ‘crush’, laughing loudly as he watches her face and mannerisms change immediately. He feels like he’s playing a game with Shuichi, jumping from Kaito, to Kokichi, to Kaito, then Kokichi again, watching his intelligent sidekick knock down one argument after another each time he does. He doesn't feel anything for Tsumugi or Kiibo, and doesn't pretend to himself that he does. 

The only time it hurts is when Maki-Roll gets this occasional lost, grieving look on her face when he’s Kaito again. Maybe that, more than anything, is what keeps him running back to being Kokichi.

Maki looks happier when she’s furious with him.

He wished he could trade places with her. Give her a ride in the Exisal. He wants to do that for all of them. Tell them, here. Pretend to not care. Pretend to be insane. Pretend to be Kokichi.

It’s fun! Have a turn.

The more he plays in the Exisal, the more he knows Kokichi was a coward.

_Of course_ , this felt better. It was easier. To be mean and suspicious and keep everyone else lost and confused. To use that confusion to make it easier for yourself to move the trials the way you wanted it to go. It was almost relaxing, in it's own way, stressing everyone else out. Feeling powerful and self-assured while everyone was struggling and openly grieving and trying to give the deaths and the trials the respect and concern their lost friends deserved.

It was harder to give everyone a chance. To believe in them, and trust that the group all together would work out who had wronged them. To put faith in the greater good of your friends, and their ability to conquer anything. That was _hard_. Especially, when you knew one of them had already buckled under the weight of the killing game. That sort of mindset took risk. Took _courage_. It was _so fucking hard_ …

It was way easier, and way more immediately satisfying, to be suspicious of everyone, and hurt every single person until you got lucky— and got to feel so damn clever— when you finally managed to knick the actual killer. _Of course,_ it was easier to get through a killing game that way.

What did it matter, that it hurt a bunch of innocent people along the way to finding the culprit? That a bunch of people who never so much as considered wronging you were made to feel terrified and overwhelmed when the interrogation started on them next? It was so nice to decide it didn’t matter. Not when you got the result you wanted.

Shuichi didn’t feel that way. Shuichi _agonized_ about what he had to put people through to find the culprit. That was one of the things Kaito admired about his sidekick. That Shuichi could care about people, and still face the pressure and difficulty of accusing them.

Kaito hadn't been able to keep up.

He remembered Shuichi gently guiding Gonta through the realization that the gentle giant had hurt Miu. Really, really, truly hurt her. Kaito hadn't been able to handle it. Had gone hysterical under the pressure. Kaito remembered Shuichi having to shout him down before Kaito had gotten out of his way to do it. Kaito remembered how… fucking useless and _helpless_ he had felt…

How helpless he still felt, as he watched Shuichi bit by bit, tear all the holes in his and Kokichi’s story.

Kaito realized the second Shuichi decided he was going to play along that he wasn’t going to fulfil his end of the bargain. That Kokichi’s death would be in vain and that Kaito had murdered him and made himself a killer for nothing more than the momentary joy of being able to feel like he was really, actually contributing something. Had wanted to shake off that helpless feeling that he had been carrying since he had failed Gonta. Failed everyone... he had killed Kokichi and sworn to end the killing game by seeing the plan through. Had given Kokichi that promise on the Supreme Leaders terrifying, metal deathbed.

But he wasn't going to do it.

He wasn’t going to let his friends come to the wrong conclusion. He wasn’t going to risk their safety, in case Kokichi was wrong about how Monokuma would react. He was going to come out of the Exisal. He was going to break his promise to a dead man that he had killed with his own hands.

And Kaito giggled like Kokichi and then cackled like a maniac when he realized he was going to do that, because… changing his mind at the last minute like that? To fulfil his own needs, disregarding the literal last wishes and promises made to a recently dead classmate?

It was such a ‘Kokichi’ thing to do.

And, honestly? Fuck it. He was a dead man walking. Why not be entirely selfish for his last hour on earth? In space. Wherever the fuck he was.

He’d ruin the plan.

He’d come out and get his last goodbyes and get to feel good and clever and would ultimately accomplish nothing while everyone around him paid for it. He’d be a whirlwind through their lives and leave behind nothing but vivid memories and debris. He'd enjoy their shock and sooth their tears and get to have his last words with people who loved him, ignoring the promise he made to man who had died hated and sick and alone.

Heh.

He hoped, if Kokichi was watching, that the little asshole would at least appreciate how _funny it was_.

He’d be insane and vibrant and selfish and everything Kokichi had ever wanted him to be. Everything Kokichi had been pushing and prodding and desperately trying to degrade the Luminary Astronaut into falling into this whole damn game. He’d be everything Kokichi had hoped to turn him into…and he’d fuck up Kokichi’s dying wish doing it.

Because it was fun.

It’s fun to be Kokichi.


End file.
